Setting: The Class of Flying Object and Necking Student Fame. An auditorium that seats 400 students.

Terminal stands in the back of the hall, greeting each person and asking names as her students enter. Students seem to enjoy the personal attention and make small talk. When class starts, Terminal walks to the front of the auditorium. She stands in her normal spot, in front of the stage, rather than up on it. She waits for silence. And waits. Finally, the students calm down. She still waits. She stares at the group of chatterers until they fall silent. She smiles and thanks them for their attention.

Terminal is still annoyed over how rude the class was last week. The spitball was the final straw. She decides that it's time to remind students of her expectations.

Terminal Degree: Good morning! Before we delve into our subject today, I have a few announcements. First of all, read the following pages in your text for next time...

Now, how many of you enjoyed our guest speaker last week? Oh, good. I did too. You say you'd like to have more guest speakers?

[long pause]

Well, I would, too, but I'm not so sure it's a good idea.

[pause again. Students look confused.]

You see, both our guest speaker and I were really concerned last week. Guest told me that this is an area of the country that prides itself on hospitality, but how he got treated in here was pretty lousy.

[Terminal pauses, stays calm, doesn't glare, and keeps her voice relaxed.]

I'm not talking to all of you, of course. You're adults and can figure if I mean you or not. [smiles] And I dislike having to talk to you about this right now just as much as you dislike hearing it. But when someone is speaking--whether it's a guest speaker, me, or a fellow student--they shouldn't be having to compete with chatter, text messenging, late students, packing up early, which is REALLY rude, or a certain very distracting amorous couple. (If I see that kind of PDA again, I'm gonna use score cards.)

[laughter. It should be noted that Terminal does NOT at any time single out the amorous couple, or any other offenders, by making eye contact with them intentionally. As a performer she's figured out how to make eye contact with that spot above heads for moments like this.]

And the spitballs that someone threw at me last time? That was uncalled for. If you're that unhappy with the class, you need to come see me. If you were just joking around, you need to figure out why you thought such a thing was funny. Because it's rude and disrespectful. And it's not because I'm a prof.

It's because I'm a fellow human being, and that's not a way to treat anyone.

Neither is the private conversation/chatter problem. It's distracting, and it's rude. But I'm one of 100 people in this room. If there are people talking and I ask for quiet, I suppose it's possible that they might not be able to hear me asking, even though the acoustics are so good in here that I can hear every mumbled conversation. So if someone around you doesn't realize it's time to be quiet, and you can't hear as a result, those talkers are stealing from your education. And you pay too much money to miss something on account of a rude classmate. So you need to ask each other to be quiet. Sound good?

[emphatic nodding from formerly-frustrated students who also hate the chatter]

Furthermore, when we have a class, I expect to see notebooks out. Look, I don't trust my own brain to remember all of this, and I'm the one teaching it term after term!

[more laughter]

So here's the deal: we have an exam coming up. You'll get the last part of each class pre-exam to work in class on exam study guides, in groups, with my help, IF we all use class time wisely during the class. If class time is wasted with me trying to get your attention, I'll replace the group activity with a lecture, and I can't imagine anything worse than having to listen to me yammer for an entire hour.

Sound like a deal?

[students nod emphatically]

Thanks for listening. Now let's get on to a more fun subject...

[Students and instructor procede to have a very productive class session with lots of participation. Some students still test to see if Terminal is bluffing and learn otherwise...]

Terminal: OK, the next point we need to cover involves style characteristics of this type of music. The first characteristic is that someone in the back needs to put his phone away thank you the phrases are a typical type of form. Who remembers what that form is?

[At the end, 3 minutes before class is over, Terminal gets the groups' attention, repeats the assignment for next time, and then thanks them for being so polite and cooperative today. And gets a lot of smiles in return.]

[Terminal waits for the auditorium to empty, gives a sigh of relief, and thinks, Dang, it worked. At least for one class period. But I can't believe I actually had to say all that.]

Labels: teaching